(note: times are approximate, and events and conversations have been embellished)
We arrive at the Birthing Center, and the lights are already on. I help T inside and we are greeted by the mousy midwife again. I feel a little sheepish for seeing her this early two days in a row, but she pays me no mind.
She leads us back to the room, and we hold our breath with anticipation. We approach the good room and she turns and leads us into it. We both mentally did a high-five to each other. We cross the threshold and it is amazing. Nice big room decorated like a bed and breakfast. Soft bed with quilts. Antique furniture. And the highlight of the room, a jacuzzi. And here, I forgot my swim suit.
The jacuzzi was a nice perk we were looking forward to. We had done research on water births and were leaning towards it. It is very experimental here in the States but is used quite often in other parts of the world, specifically Europe. The theory is that it is less stress on the baby and mother. The births are easier and less painful on the mother. The baby is born into warm water, the same temperture as when it was in the womb so it would be a less of a shock to it's system.
Of course since it is against the norm, it isn't widely accepted in the States. Cause water is cheap compared to all the drugs and machines they have the mother hooked up to at a hospital. I digress.
Since it isn't common or widely accepted among the medical field, water births are not allowed to be performed by doctors in the state of Kansas. However our doctor and several of the midwives went to other states where it is practiced to get training and certification, just in case. Even though water births are not allowed in Kansas, the mother can use the jacuzzi to help relax the muscles and help with the contractions. Now, if the mother is using the jacuzzi to relax and help sooth the contractions, and happens to go into labor while in the jacuzzi, what can you do? (wink-wink)
The contractions were coming pretty steady, but T was awesome. She was going through them like a champ with little complaint. You hear stories or watch TV and see how the mother transforms into a alien bounty hunter during labor. We didn't experience any of that. T was even cracking jokes during it.
T walked around the room for awhile, then decided to give the jacuzzi a try. Just as our research indicated, the contractions were not as severe once in. She was more relaxed, and even though the contractions were getting stronger and more frequent, they did not affect her as much. They were muted.
T stayed in the jacuzzi for awhile but wanted to get out. In hindsight, she said she would of stayed in but she was getting uncomfortable sitting there. She felt she had to move. Shortly after she got out, everything went into high gear.
We had a few friends and family that wanted to be there for the birth. So when I had a minute, I called them. It was early still, around 6:00 am but I knew they'd be mad if they missed it.
I came back into the room after T had got out of the jacuzzi. She was in the bed concentrating.
Me: "So, how-you-doin? Anything new?"
T: "Oh, not much. You?"
Me: "Naw. Nice place they have here."
T: "Yeah. Remind me to fill out the comment ca.......rrrrggghhhh..... card."
The contractions were getting stronger and closer, and they were coming faster. The doctor came in and checked T and said it was time. The rest of the story is kind of a blur. I remember it, but I'm not sure I can give it justice. I remember specific details.
I remember T's attitude. She was telling jokes, and making light of everything. There was no cursing (by her) or threats against my life or manhood, or really any hostility whatsoever that you associate with birth. She impressed me a lot that day. She was so fucking cool, calm, and collected. It was almost surreal. Part of me thought that this was just a joke. She couldn't be ready. She wasn't acting like what you see on TV. This had to be a mistake. But it was no mistake.
It was our wish that I "catch" the baby. We both wanted me involved instead of being a spectator. This was one thing I could do to help. When the doctor said it was time, I was next to T holding her hand and supporting her. We were talking to each other. The doctor said that she could see the head and I made a quick peek to verify, and sure enough there it was. Nothing prepares you for that visual.
I then went back up to T to give her my status report.
Me: "Good. You're doing good. I saw the head."
T: "And?"
Me: "It looks like a large walnut."
T: "What?!"
Me: "Yeah. The scalp is all scrunched up and wrinkly. Kind of looks like a walnut."
T: "Walnut.... nice. Thanks for the visual."
Me: "I'm here to help."
I remember the doctor saying that if I wanted to "catch" the baby, I'd better get down there and get into position. Not sure what position she meant. Baseball catcher's position? I didn't bring my pads or glove.
I said 'Ok' thinking I had a few minutes. I told T how wonderful she was doing and that even though she is giving birth to a mutant-size walnut, I still cared for her. I kept talking to her thinking I had plenty of time to get into position. I was wrong.
Ploop! Out the walnut-headed baby came. I missed it! I was so pissed at myself. I had one part in this largely female cast play and I missed my cue. I will never forget that. You could be all philosophical and say that I failed to catch the baby, I set a precedence that I will never be there to catch my child. But luckily I don't overthink things or see symbolism in things. (......)
The doctor took the walnut-headed baby and did all the inital birth stuff. Then placed the baby on T's belly.
Another wish we had was that we didn't want to know the sex beforehand. We wanted to be surprised and wait until the birth. We wanted to be the first ones to know. And even though we didn't know beforehand, I had a very STRONG feeling it was going to be a girl. I have no idea why I thought that, but I was convinced that it was going to be a girl. I was knocked in the gut when I saw that we had a son instead.
All expecting parents give the cookie-cutter answer when asked what sex they'd prefer. But not us. I wanted a boy. T wanted a boy. We played the game and said that "we just wish it to be healthy." But then we alwsys added, "and we want a boy."
So, here he was. He didn't even really cry. He just laid there. Like he was taking it all in. Like he was saying, "Hey. How-you-doin'?" He was such an easy birth, and he was very content. We didn't know fully how lucky we were. He was very special, which he will end up proving to us for years to come.
That stats are that he was born at 6:55 am, weighed 7 lbs 8oz. He had some brown hair, and a walnut head, which went away pretty quickly. The hard labor only lasted about an hour, maybe. He was born very quickly, and easily. No complications. No worries.
So, now twelve years later I think about that day. I think about that day every year. A lot of things have changed since then. T and I are no longer married and she has since remarried. Con lives with both of us and continues to grow and surprise us every day.
I haven't had the best life, but I haven't had the worst either. Not everything is ideal, but I look back on that day, and everything was perfect. I know it's cliche' to say that something like that changes your life, but it did.
I don't know where I'd be without him. And I am thankful every minute of every day for him. No matter what happens in my life, like divorce, break-ups, death, loosing my job, or whatever... I know I will always have him for some perspective in my life and it will have some meaning. I am not here for me anymore. I am here for him. He will always be loved, and I will always be in his corner and support him. He is why I was put on this earth, and everyone who knows him is lucky.
Happy birthday Con. I love you.
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